sigh 

my heart is pouring cats and dogs, my eyes are puffed up in tears. i just refuse to let the tears drip..

i duno why, but of all the times i failed exams , this is the first time i am so sad.. when it mattered, i couldnt deliver... i used to fail all my secondary sch and junior college exams during the semester, i only would start last minute work like 2 weeks b4e the final exams like A lvls or O lvls. then i wouldnt fail at all.. in fact get not so bad grades. maybe i am used to this kinda cycle which i think cant work now.. i am smart but not to the extent of a genius. actually failing exams in the past, i wouldnt care.. but now its different. i am not alone... i have my family that worry for me.. i can only blame it on myself.. i think i am maturing.. i dun just think of myself. i didnt put in enough effort to get the results.. i've degenerated to a lazy shitass.. id rather have fun than study.. everyone feels that i am childish and stuff.. nobody will know this side of me =(

thinking of my family, i really feel that ive let them down... my mom especially... okie the tears rolled down. =~~~~ i wanna change, i wanna change i wanna change, even if i cant change, i still must change. i have to change... i have to...

yesterday nite i blogged for like 45 minutes, but none of the things appeared... i think i am going to write again...its been 2 months...
red eyed!
later den i write